STAR TREK: the Same Universe, Different Mind
PERSONAL LOG: CAPTAIN DONALD P. BOLTON
LOCATION: EARTH
NORTH WEST SECTOR, NORTH AMERICA
TRI CITIES, WASHINGTON
DATE: 15 FEBRUARY 2372
A gong vibrated, softly and far away. It sounded like one of those giant bells, struck by tree trunks that one finds in some oriental temple. Strange, I think, where on the northern Oregon coast is one of those temples? The gong sounded again, this time accompanied by a sweet motherly voice saying, “Captain, it is five hours, zero minutes ante-meridiem. You wished to be awakened at this time.". "I HATE GETTING UP EARLY!!!", I silently scream as the voice repeated the message. "Give me another half hour mother.", I say sleepily, realizing I am not on the Oregon coast but at home in the Tri Cities. I also hate getting out of a warm bed on a cold, dark, winter morning. Promptly at five thirty the voice calls again, this time adding, “If you do not get up now you will be late.". "I'm up mother.", I call to the House-Comp as I race into the bathroom for a quick shower and shave.
Thirty minutes later I’m going over a ‘Things To Do While I’m Away’, checklist with the House-Comp. I call it Mother because of the obvious similarities, my real mother despises the name. Leaving the house I look up into the starry, starry night, "Yep she's still there.”
A short time later I’m eating a Crab Omelet and Hash Browns in the Dining Car, on the 30 minute train ride to Seattle. The forest has recovered nicely from the devastation the eruption, almost 200 years ago, of Mount Rainier caused.
Arriving at Sea-Tac (Seattle-Tacoma Space Port, Ground Installation), I first check in at the Sol Confederation office. This is my ‘office’. People wanting to contact anyone connected with the Sol Confederation can, through offices like these in transportation centers throughout the Federation and neutral space. Here I find out if I have any passengers and what cargo I'm carrying. After a short conversation with one of the other captains, I head to the public transporter pads to beam up to the space station section of the port.
I step onto the Sea-Tac transporter pad with a spectacular view of Puget Sound, and a heart beat later I am staring at the United Federation of Planets symbol behind the transporter chief on the space station. From the transporter I head over to the Work Bee Docking Bay. Now I know it would be simpler and faster just to beam over to the Hanford. I trust my crew to operate the transporter but, I like to free fly in space and I like to look over the Hanford both inside and out before a trip (I hate to climb into an e-suit and go for a space walk!). I am told by the Docking Bay Chief to take my pick and with clearance from the Harbor Master I am on my way to mooring space 14, my favorite place to ‘park’ the Hanford because it is in Geo-Sync with the Tri Cities. I can go outside any clear night and see the Hanford sparkling among the jewels of heaven.
After a few glorious moments flying in the silent dark, the Hanford looms in to view. I contact my First Officer on the Hanford and tell him I will be coming aboard after my inspection and to prepare for docking. I approach the Hanford from the stern. As I look over her brightly shining skin, I keep an eye out for dents and/or cracks from impacts by micro meteorites or stress. Well, the nacelles and pylons look ok. The drive section is always my biggest worry, anti-matter is nothing to fool with! Continuing forward I pay close attention to the latches on the external cargo pods. I would hate for one of these babies to come loose while in warp! Well everything looks in order.
After I orbit the nose, I make for the airlock. Programming the Work Bee to return to it's bay, I step aboard the Hanford and am greeted by I'Aisha, the ‘Ship’s Cat’. I say that some what euphemistically, actually she is a Pa’UR, a human sized, bipedal felinoid. Some humans call her kind Werecats. The typical Pa'UR greeting is for the greeter to grab the one being greeted gently by the back of the head and rub the greetie's right cheek with their left cheek, then to rub the greetie's left cheek with their right cheek. Then it is the greetie's turn to begin the process. It is considered in very bad taste not to let this greeting process be done even when one of the participants is not a Pa'UR. As this process is going on, I am thinking HOW thankful I am that the Pa'UR are feline and NOT canine! All this finished, I tell I'Aisha to prepare for passengers while I finish my ship inspection.
Ah, some passengers are already here! “What's that? You would like a tour of the ship? Well . . . you are in luck. Although not required by law, I always like to reacquaint myself with the ship before blast off.”, I say, “What's that? I can assure you sir, I know this ship like the back of my hand. Now, let's see, where IS that turbo lift?”
“You see sir, I do know this ship, here's the turbo lift!”, I joke. As we are waiting for the lift doors to open, I begin, “The S.S. Hanford, SR1418 is a DY-500NG Class, warp driven, star freighter. The Ship's motto: "To The Moon Alice!", the Great One Jackie Gleason, The Honey Mooners. We are now on deck six. This deck is where the air lock and transporter is located. This deck also houses the ships defensive phaser banks, one forward and one aft. What? Ah so you have noticed the ship's cat. That's I'Aisha, a Pa'UR. There is a data base in the ship's library on the customs and protocols of I'Aisha's kind. You will encounter MANY of her ‘toys’ around the ship. Please leave her toys alone unless she gives you permission to use them. Now if everyone will board the lift, we'll continue the tour.”
In the lift I continue, “Passengers are confined to the three decks identified as ‘public’. These are Decks four, seven, and eight. The lift is preprogrammed to stop only on these decks. Access to all other decks is by command code. The only exception is deck three, the observation deck in the conning tower and, its access will be restricted in an emergency. Deck one houses my quarters and Ready Room, it is not part of the tour. Our first stop will be deck two, the Bridge.”
As the turbo lift doors open with a swish, "We are facing aft. On all decks the turbo lift doors open aft." Motioning the people out of the lift, "If you will all go around the corner, you can view the bridge.” One of the passengers points to a plaque on the wall. The Plaque reads:
Robotic Laws of Dr. Asimov (1940)
(1) A Robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
(2) A Robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
(3) A Robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
SOL-CONFEDERATION Additions
(4) A human may not knowingly require a robot to give up its existence except in cases where harm to humans is imminent.
(5) A human may not knowingly damage or destroy a robot that is obeying the Robotic Laws.
I explain as we step onto the bridge, "Because the Hanford was designed to be operated by humans, her control panels and machinery require fingers or reasonable substitutes to do so.” Pointing to the helm, "The Hanford's crew is made up of a motley collection of human like mechanoids or ‘Meks’. They come in two types. Fully mobile and half units, unable to move around, these are permanently assigned to their station like that unit. Mek parts are for the most part interchangeable, a arm from the same model will work on any unit and some others and, supposably the units could preform any type of work from micro-surgery to crushing rocks. What make them unique is an i-mod. This is a card like device that is inserted into the unit. It carries the basic instructions for the job the unit is to do as well as their personalities. Types of Mechanoids or I-mods are:
b-Mek: Bio-Interface
m-Mek: Medical
p-Mek: Pleasure
e-Mek: Engineering
o-Mek: Operation
s-Mek: Security
On hearing my voice, the Mek at the helm swivels in his mount and greets me, "Well hi there Gilligan! Is everything ok little buddy?" "Fine Skipper", I respond. Seeing the puzzled looks on the passengers faces I continue, "On the bridge there are two half unit O-Meks. The one at Navigation/Helm thinks he is the Skipper of the S.S. Minnow and insists I am his little buddy, Gilligan. The one at Communications calls her self Edith Ann and thinks she is working for something called the Phone Company. I'm sorry sir but, I'm afraid it's to late to book passage on another ship. Actually even though they are a bit eccentric my Mek crew is among the best crews in the Merchant Fleet but, if they ever found out I said that I would deny it!" As I try to calm the passengers another one of my Meks appears. Seeing this strangely glowing, translucent, hovering globe floating towards us quiets the people. "This is a b-Mek, my second in command." I inform them. "I communicate with him in normal speech and he communicates with me in audio and, light answers. His main advantage is how he communicates with the other Meks. While I can give a Mek a voice order, the time it takes to interpret that order and act on it might be considerable, assuming the Mek's voice recognition and interpretation systems are functioning properly. The b-Mek communicates with other Meks and computers via an ultra high speed, sub-space data stream. Although it is frowned upon I have tweaked with him and he is almost to the point of sentience. I trust him with my life and ship more than most humanoids I have met.
Is everything proceeding on schedule?", I ask the b-Mek. "YES", the b-Mek responds in his hauntingly, melodically echoing voice and brilliant blue light. "Any problems to report?" I ask. "NO", he replies, in the same voice, this time accompanied by a intense red light. "What?!?", one of the passengers is asking me about the view of the stars, "No, that's not a View Screen, what you're seeing is what's really there. In an emergency the window can be closed by a clam shell like curtain and if a breech should occur a force field will seal off the hole. As you can see, the window continues to the deck below. That's deck three, our observation deck.." As I motion toward the lift, "Now if you will all get back on the lift we can visit it.”
The first view of deck three is a very unimpressive one. Looking aft you see, a nondescript bulkhead with doors. I can see the disappointment in the group's eyes. That look changed rapidly as we turned the corner. The group let out a collective gasp as what they were looking at sank in. The deck above (deck two) is not a full deck, the front part is removed. This allows one to stand on deck three and see a 180 degree left/right and a almost 90 degree up/down panorama of space (let's see a Federation star ship's view screen show that!). I break the awed silence, "In addition to the view, this deck has library terminals for passenger use." I have a hard time getting the group back into the lift!
As the doors open on deck four, I begin, "This is deck four, it houses the ship's mess hall and sick bay. No sir that isn't a comment on the food. There are no replicators in the state rooms, a food and drink only one is available here in the mess hall." Pointing to a piece of equipment in the middle of the room that looks like a cross between a dress maker's dummy, padded to look like Dolly Parton and an Erector Set, "If you need anything in the mess hall, we have a p-Mek. She likes to be called, Your Cruse Director Julie if she is helping the passengers, Isaac if she is getting you a drink or Gopher if she is doing other things. While doing her work, you can sometimes hear her softly singing, in the synthesized voice of a 20th century singer named Jack Jones, The Love Boat Theme Song. She calls me Captain Stubing. I'm told she is strong enough to withstand a Klingon Mating Ritual although I imagine she would not be much good after and, I would probably end up just shoveling the pieces out an airlock." Pointing out some of the features of the mess hall, I continue, "Passengers are expected to find or bring safe and civil ways to occupy themselves, I'm sorry but this is NOT a cruise ship! There will never be phaser practice off the fan-tail, well . . . almost never. There are however a collection of holo-games and simulation in the mess hall.
If you will follow me, to the sick bay, I'll introduce you to our two m-Meks." The second I open the door, Dickery yells, "DAMN IT JIM, I'M A DOCTOR NOT A TOURIST ATTRACTION!" After Dickery has calmed down, I continue, "Dickery is our doctor. As you heard, he insists on calling me Jim. The other m-Mek is programmed as a nurse, I call her Hickery. She is strangely fond of men with pointy ears. I got them from a Ferangi that swore they could perform the most delicate of operations. So as proof I had Dickery lance a lobe boil the Ferangi had on his left ear. How did it turn out? Well lets just say the Ferangi doesn't have to go around saying, "what??" all the time." We leave Sick Bay and reboard the lift for the trip to deck five.
As the lift doors open on deck five, we are greeted by one of my s-Meks. It's the one that calls me Will Robinson and when he feels there is a problem, he waves his arms in the air and yells, "Danger, Danger". "Greeting Will Robinson", he says. I answer back, "Hello Robot, anything to report?". "No, everything is quiet.” "Good, carry on.", I answer, continuing, "This is deck five, it houses the ship's computer and sensors. The computer that guides the Hanford is a TIMEX 100000. It has a IQ of 100000." Herding everyone back on the lift, "We started on deck six so we'll continue on down to deck seven."
Arriving on deck seven I begin, "This deck and deck eight below are the state room decks." Opening the door of the nearest room, "Although the Hanford carries passengers, the accommodations are a bit spartan. Each ‘state room’ is very small. It does have enough space for a roomy and comfortable bed, a sonic shower and, a table and chairs. All of the rooms are alike, with the exception of I'Aisha's quarters, all the way forward on deck eight. She is crazy for ancient Egypt and, so has decorated her room as an Egyptian palace that would be the envy of Cleopatra." With the group back on the lift I continue, "Because deck eight is similar to deck seven we'll skip it for now. Deck nine will be the group's last stop, it is the location of main engineering and the last point of interest. The rest of the decks are full of cargo."
As the doors open on deck nine, we hear a strange, heavy breathing sound. The passengers are startled as a tall s-Mek in a black cape appears out of the darkness. "What is thy bidding master?" he asks in a deep booming voice. Trying to calm the group, "This is Lord Vader, my other s-Mek." Addressing Vader, "After we view main engineering I will need you to escort these passengers back to the public decks. Wait here for our return." "As you command" Vader responds. "No miss he is not dangerous, at least I don't think he is.", I say with a grin on my face. Addressing the group I say, "Regulations prevent me from allowing you to enter engineering but, we can see most of it from behind the Isolation Bulkheads that separate the drive section from the rest of the ship. If you will follow me." My two E-Meks scurry about engineering like demented insects making ready to get underway. Pointing to the one monitoring the read outs, "In here I have Engineering or e-Meks. This one likes to be called Dr. Einstein." Pointing to the other as he makes some adjustments on some equipment, "This one thinks he's Dr. Frankenstein or as he pronounces it Fronkenstene! The E-Meks are equipped with repligrips instead of the usual grips so they can work without having to carry around loads of tools.
If you will all follow me I will get you back to the public decks so I can finish my inspection and we can set sail for Deep Space 9." “What’s that?!? Oh, you have noticed the odd collection of personalities my Meks display. Explain . . . ? Well, you remember I told you that the Mek’s I-mod type determines its skills and personality? One of the plants that manufactures these units is outside Old Atlanta, near a 20th century entertainment installation called a Super Station. You history buffs will recall, the Nuevo-terrorist Jane Fonda, helped by Vietnamese Communists destroyed that installation with Micro Nukes in 2020 after her ex-husband Ted Turner aired a movie about his life with her called “My Life With Silicon Jane”. Apparently this Super Station’s purpose was to constantly broadcast the mindless entertainment popular at the time called ‘Sitcoms’. In the wreckage, a few of the machines that did this continued to operate. When the I-mod plant was built, this wasn’t known. Also what wasn’t known was that the harmonics of these broadcasts resinated in the I-mod Crystals and sometimes over wrote the personality that had been intended with personalities from the sitcoms. Of course the Mechanoid manufacture thought it couldn’t sell the units so, for a long time they collected dust in a warehouse. Eventually, they did sell them, at a greatly reduced price which, was VERY attractive to a economy based venture like private space travel. Actually, the Hanford is lucky to have these personalities. I know of a Starliner with a crew called “The Brady Bunch”, one of those Meks goes around yelling, “Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!” all the time!”, I explain while we return to the lift. There I turn the group over to Vader. After a few minutes of assuring them he wouldn't harm them, they board the lift with him and, I continue my inspection.
As I make my way through the darkened cargo decks, I glance at the passenger/cargo manifest. Let's see, three Starfleet officers to disembark at Deep Space 9. I have heard rumors about a new Federation Ship to be stationed there. I wonder if they are on their way to join it. I'll have to talk with them. The usual assortment of other passengers for various stops. Because of Quark and his connections with the Ferangi, I'm carrying my usual load of products for him. The most sought after are Ferangi Q-Tips, made by Johnson Squared. A Ferangi Q-Tip is 1 foot long from tip to tip. The tips are made from the fuzz of Earth's Cat Tail reeds. For some reason Cat Tails can only be grown on Earth and the fuzz when produced by artificial means (replicated) does not have the same feel. They come five to a box. There is an ‘in’ and ‘out’ of season for the fuzz. Thus, high prices can be had for these commodities. I also carry a load of Ferangi Ear Condoms for use when performing the Ferangi ear stimulation, Oo-mox. The slogan on the side of the box, "Love is Never having to say, "whoops, let me wipe the dribble out of your ear". Two Betazed wedding dresses. I'd like to meet the guy that sold these to Quark! Shape Shifties or Odo Bars. These are snacks for changelings, that can shape shift along with the one eating it. Otherwise you might get a arm chair holding a candy bar or a wad of chewing gum on the glass you are holding that's not your's. For Bajor, A complete line of cosmetics. Many used for the nose ridges. One collection contains a small wooden bat for bump enhancement, pain killers and makeup or dark glasses to hide the black eyes of a broken nose that the bat gives you. Cases of Bajoran Nose Bump Cream. "Easily Assimilated" Borg Oil. I am not sure if this oil is for humans, machines or both. Used Borg Attachments. I hear kinky Klingons can't get enough of these. Slavan knee condoms because, "Not everyone keeps their reproductive organs between their legs!". Cardassian Skin Cream "to keep your scales from flaking". Vulcan Salute Finger Liniment "The Logical Choice". An ad for the product, "Pain is all in the mind but, suffering with it is illogical". The product is especially needed by Romulans practicing to be Vulcan or old, arthritic Vulcans. I see this product was ordered by a Vulcan, Starfleet, Fleet Captain. A T'Sa . . . something or other. Laughing Vulcan Worry Line and Crow's Feet Lotion?!? I guess Romulans can use the product too. A Mind Melding Kit? It must be for Vulcans. Oh, I see, it's an android repair kit, it's not MIND MELDING, it's MIND WELDING! 5000 cases of C size batteries, being shipped to a C. Ethos. I wonder what he need that many batteries for? Captain the Enterprise Play Sets. They come with a bald cap, or a toupee, a list of phrases like "Engage, Make it so, Shut up Wesley!, Beam me up Scotty, Damn it Bones". The deluxe set has a red shirt for the little brother or sister. Junior Federation Doctor Play Sets. They come with the usual array of play instruments, some that look like salt shakers, vials of strangely colored liquid, and an ugly blue smock. Some phrases that go with it, "I'm a doctor not a brick layer, yes Jean Luc, he's dead Jim". A few 100's of dozen old style Red Shirts from Starfleet with the various phaser burns, blood stains, and body parts removed. Vidiian mirrors (no glass). I see these will not reach their destination for 75 years. I Guess when you look like the Vidiians you are not in any hurry to see what you look like. Products for the Klingon holiday, The Day of Grunting and Howling. Let's see, Klingon Pain Pills. These are not to relieve pain, these pills, about two inches in diameter, shaped like gears are impossible to chew and almost as hard to digest. They are washed down with Prune Juice (a warrior's drink), we are carrying 10,000 gallons of it. These products are suppose to prepare the Klingon for the holiday. The actual date of the holiday is dependant on the phase of the moon and how good the Kling Bean harvest was. I am told no sentient being with a nose wants to be near a Klingon town on this day and having an open flame is punishable by death! It is rumored that the explosion that destroyed the Klingon moon Praxis was caused by a smoker who just had to have a smoke on this holiday. Klingon Air Freshener, super industrial mega strength, 10,000 cans. And of course there are always a few casks of Sorian Brandy and\or Romulan Ale in some dark corner. I am now at the end of my inspection tour, deck 13, the impulse drive area. Well I see no problems here, so as soon as I get back to the bridge we can get under way.
